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ANIMAL JOKES

Dog Diary Vs Cat Diary

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Excerpts from a Dog's diary:

8:00am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

9:30am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

9:40am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

10:30am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

11:30am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

12:00 Noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

1:00pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!

1:30pm - Ooooooh. Bath. Bummer.

4:00pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

5:00pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

5:30pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

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Excerpts from a Cat's diary:

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; I must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was... Hmmmm, not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - Once again, I am reminded of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth...

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." I must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time...

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