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Ireland vs. Iraq
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade
when his telephone rang.
Hussein,” a heavily accented voice says.
“This is Paddy, down in County Cavan, Ireland.
I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on
“Well, Paddy,” Saddam replies, “This is indeed important
news! Tell me, how big is
“At this moment in time,” says Paddy after a moments’
calculation, “there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor
Gerry and the entire dominoes team from the pub - that makes eight!”
Saddam sighs. “I
must tell you, Paddy, that I have a million men in my army waiting to move
on my command.”
“Begorra!” says Paddy. “I’ll
have to ring you back!...”
Sure enough, the next day Paddy rings back. “Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on!
We have managed to acquire some equipment!”
“And what equipment would that be, Paddy?” Saddam asks.
“Well, we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy’s
tractor from the farm.”
Once more Saddam sighs. “I
must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored
personnel carriers, and my army has increased to one and a half million
since we last spoke.”
“Begorra!” says Paddy “I’ll have to ring you back!...”
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. “Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on!
We have managed to get ourselves airborne!
We’ve modified out Sean’s ultralight with a couple of rifles in
the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!”
Saddam is silent for a minute, then sighs. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 10 thousand bombers,
20 thousand MiG-19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by
laser guided surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my
army has increased to two million.”
“Faith and begorra!” says Paddy, “I’ll have to ring you
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. “Right, Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have
had to call off the war.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” says Saddam.
“Why the sudden change of heart?”
“Well,” says Paddy, “We’ve all had a chat and there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners.”
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